Pillows and Proclamations
by thekerosenesecret
Summary: "All of a sudden, of all the things he wanted to do in his life, having a sleepover with Jess was number one on that list." Set after Season 5.
1. Chapter 1

He was going to do it. He was going, on a limb, on this crazy adventure with this beautiful woman and was simultaneously terrified and excited. Excited, for obvious reasons. He felt "in love", like those people in movies who wake up smiling and won't stop beaming all day. He had a new reason to want to get out of bed, and he couldn't deny that he enjoyed waking up next to someone after such a long time. The last time he'd felt that way was with Jess.

Jess. Jess was why he was terrified. He had loved Jess more than he'd loved anyone in his entire life and he'd messed it up and she'd moved on to handsome doctors and a happier life. All he could think about was how if he couldn't maintain a relationship when it consumed every sense and cell and fiber of his being, how would he not mess it with Reagan, someone he'd had a distant crush on and would never have expected to go anywhere? But it was going somewhere. It was going to New Orleans on a train, closer to love, but closer to heartbreak too, and further away from his friends and his home and his Jess.

Jess. It always comes back to Jess. Jess was the one he decided to believe in love again for and the only one where the heartbreak had been so worth it. He wasn't sure how ready he was to relinquish this heartbreaking power to Reagan, who was fun and smart and beautiful, but also much too cool for him and seemingly much less invested in their relationship. When she had asked him to go with her, she'd simply shrugged and said, "Hey, do you feel like coming to New Orleans with me?" Nothing more. Nothing to imply that she might like him just as much as he liked her. Nothing to convey the idea that this was as a big a deal to her as it was to him. And definitely nothing to assure him that heartbreak wasn't inevitable. But he was still going. Because maybe she'd be worth it. Maybe she'd be his new Jess.

Jess. Ugh Jess. Things were changing in the loft, and although he was glad for the new happiness in his and his best friends' lives, he hated how things seemed to be changing between him and Jess, especially after tonight. He'd missed her a lot when she had been away, and he'd welcomed Reagan as a distraction from how much he seemed to still need Jess around. A distraction from how the loft seemed much too dull without her random singing and waltzing around parading her pretty dresses and cheerful smile. A distraction from his mind accusing his heart of still being in love with her. And in all his confusion and musings about Reagan and Jess and life, he knew with immense clarity that- love or not- he never wanted to lose Jess, and that he needed to fix them. Even though he didn't know what was broken.

He hadn't gotten to talk to her after they were pulled out of that room, but she wore a complex combination of anger, sadness and confusion on her face, and he didn't know why. He wanted to ask her if she was okay and give her a hug, tell her everything that was going on and get advice, laugh and get drunk and just be partners-in-crime again, to be 'Nick and Jess- Double the Trouble' for once before he left.

All of a sudden, of all the things he wanted to do in his life, having a sleepover with Jess was number one on that list.

Padding to the kitchen, he threw some popcorn into the microwave and grabbed a packet of chips and a six-pack of beer, just as the popcorn began popping. He placed everything on the counter, and took the remaining 30 seconds on the microwave timer to craft his opening line.

" _Hey Jess, wanna hang?"_ Gross, how cliché.

" _Jess, I miss you."_ Okay no, too dangerous.

" _Jessica Day, how are you today?"_ Nice. Ten points for rhyming, Nick Miller.

Congratulating himself on his wit, he poured the popcorn into a bowl and after re-grabbing all necessary party items, he walked to Jess' room and knocked (with great difficulty), careful to not spill the popcorn.


	2. Chapter 2

_Hi guys! I'm so so sorry I've taken so long to update, but life's been crazy. Thank you to everyone who's still with me and this story 3 Please do review and tell me what you guys think :)_

 _-thekerosenesecret_

* * *

Jess opened the door, clad in signature light pink pajamas, wearing an expression of amusement laced with confusion at the sight in front of her- an oddly adorable Nick Miller balancing popcorn, beer, chips and a lopsided grin. Ignoring the way her heart skipped a beat and her stomach went all fluttery, she mustered a brilliantly forced smile.

"Hey, Nick! What's up?"

Nick, on the other hand, had been bracing himself for awkwardness, and her casual albeit slightly off manner threw him off completely, and he could hardly remember why he was there let alone his opening line.

"Um, yes. Popcorn. Drink. Movie?"

Jess' face fell, and she took a small step back.

"I don't think I can actually, Nick. I'm, uh, kind of tired."

"What?" He really hadn't been expecting to get rejected, especially not by Jess of all people.

"Um, yeah. Sorry."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Ok then."

Jess gave him a sympathetic smile, which he returned weakly, worn down by his dejection. She closed the door, and placed her forehead on it, exhaling slowly. That hadn't gone well. She wanted to open the door a crack to peek at Nick, but she could hear him sigh on the other end, clearly still at the door. Finally, she heard a muttered, "well that's that, I guess", and Nick went to his room, confirmed by the click of his door shutting.

It took all she had to not burst into tears. How could she possibly explain this to him? That she wanted, more than anything, to spend time with him and be completely normal, but that she was still in love with him. That she'd finally been able to admit it to herself, and she guesses it took her just a smidge too long to muster up the courage to acknowledge this, because now he was running off with the love of _his_ life and it really, _really_ hurt.

It hurt that he wasn't still hung up over her, and that there was no way they could work out now and that she couldn't afford to have even a sliver of hope regarding it. And all this meant that she couldn't possibly spend a lot of time with him and expect herself to be controlled and calm and not weird about it at all.

But here's the problem with being in love with your best friend. You never, ever want to lose them. Over time, she might be able to deal with losing him as "something more" but she would never be able to deal with losing him as her best friend. And so she opened her door again, crossed the hall, and knocked on Nick's door.

"On second thought, a movie would be great."

And seeing Nick's eyes light up as a beam spread across his face, would make every second of discomfort and dying inside worth it, because it meant that she would be able to keep Nick in her life.

"Okay, what are we watching first?" she asked, after they had settled onto her bed and made a fort of pillows to comfortably binge watch in, food placed between them as if "easy access" was an excuse for a barrier.

"Um, only the greatest movie of all time, Curly freakin' Sue."

Jess turned to him, the widest grin on her face.

"No way. You bolted when I first moved in and suggested that movie." Nick rubbed his face sheepishly.

"I can't believe you remember that." He said, giving Jess a smile that she knew was reserved for her, and maybe now Reagan. The thought of Reagan made her falter again, and she took a shaky breath.

Fiddling with the ends of her sheets, she murmured, "I remember a lot of stuff about you, Nick." A silence filled the room, and Jess proceeded to mentally smack herself for making things awkward for no reason.

"Well, I couldn't have you knowing how much of a softie I was in your first week here, now, could I? After all, I have a reputation to uphold." He chuckled softly, and added, "I can't wait to see what you'll have to say when I tell you that we're watching 'The Parent Trap' next."

Jess smacked Nick with her pillow, yelling a shocked "No way!" and finally threw her head back, bubbling with laughter and giggles. She missed the endearing smile that Nick had plastered on his face, his eyes filled with a love that was now such an ingrained part of him, he almost forgets that it's there. She misses the way his smile falters suddenly, not knowing how much it hurts him that he won't see this sight for a few months.

She decides that laughing with him isn't so bad, and that she can maybe let her guard down a little tonight. They have something easily flowing between them, and she's not about to get in the way of that. So she opens a beer, and grabs a handful of popcorn, and settles in as Nick hits "play".

45 minutes of his commentary, her playful shoving, the popcorn fights and the silly arguments over practicality in rom-coms into the night, Jess remembers what she really loved about their movie nights, and forgets why she ever had any inhibition about doing this.

Just as Hallie and Annie Parker have their onscreen fencing battle in "The Parent Trap", Nick and Jess are on their 3rd beers. She's a little giggly, he's a little woozy, and in their laughter over Nick claiming he'd win in a fencing competition against her, she puts her head on his shoulder. She's too intoxicated to clench up nervously, and he's too inebriated to stop himself from putting his arm around her.

Halfway through their third movie (Pretty Woman!), at around 3 am, Jess has sobered a bit, and is now all too aware that her entire body is pressed against his, his hands absently playing with her hair, and she can hear her heart pounding against her chest.

She moves to get up, surprised when Nick pulls her back down, his voice laced with sleepiness, and says, "Jess, please just stay for 5 more minutes?" She looks up, and realizes that if she had the guts, she could close the extremely minute gap between them, and fix herself.

She looks back at the screen, and curses Richard Gere for being so dreamy, and curses Pretty Woman for being so perfect, and then turns back to this mess of a Nick Miller than she's desperately in love with, and as Edward and Vivian share their first on-screen kiss, Jess decides that maybe, she should do the same.


End file.
